V-Day Gives Me A Heart On

Valentine's Day, in Man Eater’s world, is usually a non-event. I’ve only had one memorable V-day in my whole life and that was when I was 16. So as not to feel totally pathetic last year, I invited the ‘rents over for Valentine’s Day dinner. (Or does that make me more pathetic than if I’d spent the holiday alone?). On the menu: Spaghetti a la Puttanesca. I don’t know where the inspiration came from; I don’t particularly like pasta, but I had a fierce carb craving and a Tupperware of olives begging to be abused in the fridge.

When I Googled the recipe, I found out that Puttanesca is derived from the Italian word for “whore”. The dish is rumored to have originated in brothels, where prostitutes needed a quick dinner they could fix with whatever ingredients they had on hand between customers. Apparently, Italian whores always had black olives, anchovies, and capers in their cupboards. I am not an Italian whore (An attention whore, yes, but we’ll tackle that in another post), so this “easy” dish was a pain in the ass to shop for. I will say this, though: once the ingredients were ready to go, it only took 10 minutes, tops, to cook. A quickie, if you will.

While Spaghetti alla Puttanesca is very sexy-looking on a platter…it’s also very smelly. One online source claimed the charm of this dish is the sauce’s fishy scent that reminded a certain chef of…well, you can fill in the blank. My family only made it through a few bites before my step-dad cautiosly asked, “What’s in this exactly?” Once I admitted to the anchovies, the fork-to-mouth action slowed. I still polished off a plateful (experimentation = endorphins!). Good food, like good sex, is supposed to be raunchy.

After the ‘rents left, I putzed around, eating fistfuls of marshmallows (which I don’t even like!), until restlessness forced me outside for a long, wannabe-romantic walk in the snow with the man of the house (a.k.a. my poodle). Upon our return, I finished watching “The Hangover” while folding laundry. Sexy V-day, eh? Very bachelor-esque.

If you were alone this year, I can assure you it won’t be like that forever. As my favorite DJ once said during “The Greatest Breakup Songs of All Time” radio special, “Love will find you…and even if it doesn’t, just enjoy yourself.” Sage advice indeed. (That’s an herbal pun, BTW.)

I wish you a year filled with many xxx’s and “oh oh oh!” s. And lots of whore house food. Eat up. Eat out. Whatever. Just keep in touch!

Love,
Man Eater

WHORE HOUSE SPAGHETTI



Ingredients

2 tablespoons olive oil
4 ounces (2 tins) anchovies, drained and chopped
3 tablespoons capers, drained
1 teaspoon minced garlic
1 can (14.5 ounces) stewed tomatoes, Italian style
1 cup spaghetti sauce
½ cup black olives, sliced
3 cups cooked spaghetti

Method

• Heat olive oil over medium-high in large skillet.

• Add anchovies, capers, and garlic; cook 3 minutes.

• Add tomatoes, spaghetti sauce, and black olives; simmer 10 minutes, or until sauce is thickened.

• Serve over cooked spaghetti. Plug nose while eating if necessary.